Happy or Not, It is Forever

Barbara De Angelis once said, “Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day.” In the two poems “A Valediction” and “Conjoined”, this quotation takes on two different meanings that are essentially complete opposites. According to Angelis, a marriage is only defined by how the couple decides to define it. If a couple chooses to make it an eternal bond of happiness, such as the couple in “A Valediction” does, then that is what they will achieve. On the other hand, if a couple decides to look at it as an eternity of servitude, such as the pair in “Conjoined”, then that is also what they will achieve. In both Donne’s poem and Minty’s poem, the authors use symbolism, metaphors, and similes to provide contrasting ideals on the institution of marriage.

Both poems symbolize their ideals on love with items that give their readers an overall understanding on their perceptions of love. Donne represents his perception of love by using gold to symbolize his views on marital status and the institution of marriage itself. Gold is a solid object that is virtually indestructible. Therefore, by choosing to represent marriage in this context reveals that Donne believes marriage is an eternal bondage that can withstand anything. Furthermore, Gold represents richness, and even royalty. Gold also gives the connotation of beauty and glory. Thus, the reader’s can infer that Donne believes that marriage provides its occupants with a gift that makes a relationship reach its full potential, and ripens love to reach its sweetest form. In contrast to Donne, Minty decides to symbolize marriage with an item that provides more of a negative connotation, revealing Minty’s negative outlook towards marriage. Minty uses the onion and the onions’ “skin” to provide meaning to her view of marriage. An onion gives off a sour connotation. In fact, it is a known fact that onions naturally bring tears to eyes when being cut. Therefore, by choosing to use an onion as the representative of marriage, it gives off the impression that marriage is a doomed institution. Furthermore, the skin of the onion is used to identify marriage as an inescapable institution. The skin holds together the two onions together although it is unnatural. The “two onions” symbolize the husband and wife, while the “onion skin” is marriage itself. Although both poems represent marriage as an unbreakable bondage, Donne perceives it to be enjoyable, while Minty perceives it to be uncomfortable and unnatural.

Donne believes marriage is the ultimate gift of love, and even makes the married couple in the poem seem pretentious in regards to their marriage. The couple in the poem contains such a high outlook to their marriage that leads them to become pretentious and begin to belittle those marriages that they believe to be inferior to theirs. For example, Donne uses the metaphor, “So let us melt, and make no noise, no tear-floods, nor sigh-tempest move, twere profanation of our joys to tell the laity of our love”. In this, Donne tells the readers that the couple believes that their love and marriage was so “above” common marriages that those marriages could never experience what this couple did. Those other marriages could not even understand what their marriage was like. Also, Donne uses a simile to give another perception on marriage. Donne says, “If they be two, they are two so as stiff twin compasses are two; they soul, the fixt foot, makes no show to move, but doth, if th’other do. This makes the marriage seem as if it is an eternal bond in which both the husband and wife really heavily on one another. The leg of the compass reveals to be one of the spouses while the pencil is the other. The circle, which is marriage, could not be drawn by the compass without either the leg of the compass or the pencil. This gives off the impression that marriage is an equal institution in which both the husband and wife need one another to accomplish their goals. Donne gives off the notion that marriage is a loving unity between a man and woman that lasts eternity.

Minty gives the perception that marriage is a forced and inevitable part of life that all people must experience. For example, Minty uses a simile saying, “An accident, like the two-headed calf rooted in one body, fighting to suck at its mother’s teats…” A two-headed calf is unnatural and virtually is a monster. Therefore, marriage is seemed to be perceived as a forced situation. Furthermore, the two-headed calf is chosen to be illustrated at its youth, which gives the notion that marriage is an ideal that is forced on people at a young age, and therefore mandated as a necessity to a human life. The image of the two-headed calf fighting for the milk reveals that marriage is an institution in which its occupants must cut one another down to achieve their individual needs. Also, to give a better perception of marriage Minty uses another simile, “…or like those other freaks, Chang and Eng, twins joined at the chest by skin and muscle, doomed to live, even make love, together for sixty years”. Once again, this scene is unnatural; reminding the readers that marriage itself is unnatural. Because Minty chooses to say the twins were “joined at the chest” the chest is in a proximity that is near the heart. The heart represents love. Therefore, Minty makes a brave accusation with this image as to say that love is destroyed by the unnatural bondage of marriage. Also, Minty takes a liberal stance as to the mechanics of marriage, by condemning the idea of “making love” with just that one person in the marriage. As seen, Minty condemns marriage and its mechanics.

Marriage is something you do. How a couple decides to lead their marriage will define their happiness once they are married to the point of death. Although Donne and Minty have completely opposite perceptions of marriage, one thing is provided as a constant. That is, marriage is forever, and therefore how you decide to “do” marriage decides how the rest of your life will be, happy or not.